My Little Saint (Amanda)

My heart is fixed O God, My heart is fixed.

Psalm 57:7

This morning we prepare to bury my mother and make a final farewell to her earthly remains. Mom's final journey began last Sunday and ceased after midnight Wednesday morning with a calm silence. Her bent little body was surrounded by her husband, children and grandchildren around her bed, often over the 3 days, there was little room to move. On November 25th shortly beyond midnight, after praying the Angelus and the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary, she took her last breath

Mommy would say she was not perfect, and she would be annoyed if one even suggested it. But she gave all of herself to everyone and anyone who needed her. She gave an ear to sorrows, a healing heart to the broken, wisdom to the hurting, hugs to the lonely, and released peace to all who met her. She left everything on the stage of life. Her heart, stented to capacity, gave us more time, and her lungs supported by oxygen continuously, gave us two more years to talk and laugh and remember. She united all her sufferings to Christ and died such a beautiful death.

I learned so much these past months assisting my sisters with her care as her body began its slow release from this earthly realm. My sister Clementia was mom's right arm, assisting her at every turn since she was a little girl. Clem actually gave this entire year to the suffering care and help of both my sister (June) and our mother in a million ways… even leaving her own family, to nurse them through every set back. My mom would not be without her, understandably so, as she nursed her body and soul. My sister, AnnMarie, was also by her side day and night. Her boys would bring joy as mom heard the patter of little feet every morning proclaiming the little ones upstairs were awake and off to the race of busy days. God will not forget such sacrifices.

I know today more than ever, there is great and perfect wisdom in God's plans. God knows the great beauty and witness of a suffering soul that continues to touch her loved ones with comfort and her presence without a single word. One of the many moments I share here... AnnMarie was on one side of the bed as I held mom's right hand and a facecloth to her head, trying to abate the flashes of heat making mom uncomfortable. Mom had stopped drinking, eating and communicating Sunday afternoon, rarely uttering a word, or even opening her eyes. Keeping vigil during the night, AnnMarie started weeping, overtaken with the reality that this time, there was no coming back for mom, as she had so many times from the brink of death. The realization became overwhelming, breaking her heart when suddenly Mom lifted her weak arm and landed it on AnnMarie’s bun on the top of her head as she wept into the blankets and mom began rubbing her head gently letting her know she would be ok. She was not able to speak a word.

Her last words to me on Sunday were, “It’s all going to be alright, you’ll see, we have to let go and let God.” The vigil lasted 3 days and into the third morning my mom went home, just simply no longer breathing.

Life will never be the same, but it has beauty in spite of the sorrows and peace regardless of the difficulties, as we are still and let God have His way and do His wonders. Her grandchildren will never forget the look of her little body and the incredible peace in that room, even as they saw their nanny leave this life for Heaven.

Please pray for us and all those dying today. Faith does not erase such a feeling of loss, but without God, I do not know how one can cope. I thank my parents for beginning the journey of our faith, my mother living it, and God for sealing it. May I never forget that there is a Grace and a Glory in the midst of the death of His faithful ones.

God bless,

Amanda